Artemis Is Becoming Kelp
by Skyshift
Summary: Well, hello. I'm Skyshift. This is clearly my first FanFic, so sorry if I break a few things. Constructive criticism accepted, put in a hamster cage, and made to work for it's life to power a machine to make me a better writer. Enjoy the short and sweet chapter.
1. The Beginning

**Well, hello. I'm Skyshift. This is clearly my first FanFic, so sorry if I break a few things. Constructive criticism accepted, put in a hamster cage, and made to work for its life to power a machine to make me a better write. Enjoy the short and sweet chapter.**

Chapter 1: The Beginning

Artemis sat up, feeling electrified. Where was he? He had awaken in a bleak white room, with no bed, on the floor. N01 appeared out of thin air.

"Hi, Arty."

"N01! What is going on!"

"The LEP asked me to fix a few flukes with your thinking process. Unfortunately..."

Artemis was getting agitated. "What? Unfortunately what?!"

N01 rolled his eyes, and alighted softly on the ground from his previously occupied levitation spot.

"It was all going so well until... Well... We kind of lost a few vitals memories and things."

"What do you mean, 'flukes'? And what do you mean, 'vital memories and things'?!"

N01 winced. "Erm, Artemis, do you remember what happened before you woke up in here?"

"No, not a wink. First Butler was there, helping me try and enhance my incredibly meek physical ability, and I fell. And then..." Artemis' forehead wrinkled.

N01 injected "It all went black?".

"Yeah."

Artemis blinked at himself. Slang? He thought. What is that doing there? "Err. It's getting worse."

Artemis swore. "WHAT is getting worse?!"

N01 put on a serious face. "Remember that incident with Commander Kelp?"

Artemis groaned. "Yes, N01, thank you for painfully reminding me."

A few days prior, Artemis had gotten in a spot of trouble with a mercenary. No doubt left over from Spiro. Even in prison, he was still trying to kill him. Anyways, a mercenary shot him in the arm. The closest fairy available was Kelp. Holly was off getting her lunar pass approved (she had been assigned to retrieve N01). Artemis got a shot of Kelp, but Kelp was running on empty. Kelp had mostly healed the wound, but a partial strain of magic still festered there.

"Well, anyway, that partial strain has been wreaking havoc in your system for the past few months. You have been having magical seizures, and I'm sorry to say this, but if this continues, then you will turn into Commander Kelp."

"What?"

"Artemis. You. Are. Turning. Into. Kelp."

"Well I'd be."

"You'd be Kelp." Artemis actually made an attempt to punch N01.


	2. To Dream of an Enemy

**Hey folks! Thanks for the CnC, it means a lot to me! So without further ado, here is the second chapter.**

****Artemis sat in the corner of the walls, pondering his escape. N01 shifted uncomfortably and said:

"Erm, at least you can't die in here."

"Thanks. Really comforting knowing I'll be here, living out my days in the corner of a fairy with the vocabulary of a guinea pig's mind."

"Tea?" A pot of tea appeared out of thin air.

"How did you do that?"

"Well, Artemis, this is just inside your head. We can do anything in here."

"Is that so?"

Artemis started to concentrate. Suddenly, the bleak white box unfolded to reveal a void of a mind, sparks shooting everywhere, ideas floating past in the pitch black.

"I should have thought of that."

"No need, N01, I'm the one who does the thinking around here." N01's usually gray skin turned a tiny bit redder. _Why,_ he thought, _does Artemis get more evil as he gets more lucid?_ Artemis was about to step into the void.

"Wait! Don't go! It's dangerous!"

"What do you mean? It's my own head?"

He stepped out of the confines of the floating white floor and instantly, Jon Spiro stepped out of the dark.

"Hello, kid. Time for my revenge. You see, I sat in my prison, waiting for years, now I'm finally gonna kill you."

N01 sighed, and Artemis leapt back, his face that of a cornered animal.

"Don't worry Artemis, he's only a product of your imagination. You can do anything you want in here, and your base instincts are going on overdrive. You don't need to fear him."

"N01, if you haven't noticed, he is about to kill me!"

"Just think happy thoughts."

Jon Spiro pulled the trigger, as in slow motion. Artemis winced, and braced himself for the shot. _Click._ Flowers sprouted out of Spiro's gun. Artemis decided to risk a glance. He actually chuckled.

"The great Jon Spiro, shooting me with a gun that shoots flowers. Oh man, I can't believe I was scared of-"

"Artemis! Don't be relieved yet! Keep concentrating!" N01 managed to scream.

As if a movie played in reverse, the flowers contracted back into the gun Jon was holding, Spiro released the trigger, then somebody hit play again. Jon Spiro pulled the trigger, and this time a bullet came out. And it was headed straight for Artemis.


	3. The First Test: The Riddle on the Wall

**Hey guys. Thanks for the support lately: this chapter is a bit longer than the others because I want to make the chapters longer gradually. As to the reviews concerning the plot: Let me tell you now. It will come when it comes, but soon it will all make sense. This chapter will at least answer a few questions, like: What is Spiro doing in here? I have also tried to make Artemis a bit more snooty and use better spacing. I have loads planned for this fanfic. Once more, thanks loads for the support, and enjoy the chapter.**

The bullet spiraled out of the gun. It moved through the air like a fish through water. Artemis stood up and faced the oncoming bullet.

"No." He said.

"Artemis what are you doing?!", gasped N01.

"I'm saying no. My head, my rules. No!" The bullet slowed to a stop in front of Artemis' chest. He plucked it gently out of the air.

"You aren't winning in my head, fool." Artemis flicked it out of his hand, and into the gun. Spiro rippled slightly and vanished.

"I see." said Artemis.

"What do you see? I see lots of things. Like flowers. And green." mumbled N01.

"I am the smartest person in the world. Of course!"

"WHAT?!" N01 scowled, and Artemis sat there looking pleased at himself.

"I setup my own defences, subconsciously. I placed many tests for anybody who might try to possess me and come to the center of my mind. Tests only i could solve. Come on, N01. No time to waste." N01 sat there looking baffled.

"Subconsciously?"

Artemis started walking to the edge of the white again. A white path appeared, building itself as the two pressed on. Eventually, they came to a giant stainless steel wall.

"What are we supposed to do about that?" N01 said.

"Climb it?" Artemis retorted.

"How? There are no footholds." As he spoke, a spot of blue light shone from the center of the wall. It danced along, engraving things in the metal. Finally, the blue spark vanished, and great letters the size of a house read: "He who wishes to get pass my bounds must pass the bounds of his own body." Artemis mulled over it for a few minutes. He snapped his fingers.

"Of course."

"What?"

"N01, you visited the Hey-Hey monks last year, correct?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Do you remember what they did at night when they slept?"

"Yes. They told me they were going to have an out-of-body experience." Artemis grinned.

"Excellent. Do you remember how they did it?"

"No."

"Too bad. My head, my rules." N01's spirit drifted out of his body and hung in the air. He touched the wall and phased through.

_Come, Artemis_, said N01 directly into Artemis' mind. _It's clear_.

"Very well." Artemis sat and meditated for a few minutes. Just when N01 was beginning to doubt him, Artemis' spirit drifted out of his body and phased through the wall. Here, body. Artemis thought. His body was being reeled towards him. Just over the wall, come on! Artemis' body started to fall. _Artemis!_, shouted N01. _Your body will break!_

_Not quite N01. My rules._ As if by magic (which it was), 3 mattresses appeared under his body. The body landed flat, and the spirit was reeled back in.

_What about me?_ said N01.

"Yes, of course. But these are my rules." N01's body crashed through the stainless steel walls. The same blue sparks that wrote the riddle on the wall wrote something on the white pathway. It read:

"Test one of 12 complete." N01 groaned and said, "Well... 1 body breaking challenge completed, 11 to go."


	4. The Second Test: The Trail of Despair

**Well guys, you're waiting and (probably) hating, so here it is. The 4th chapter. I just want to take the time and say that over the next few days, the chapters might take a little longer to post as I am in school. This chapter sees progression of Artemis turning into Kelp, and, of course, the second test for Artemis. It's also a bit longer, and if you are allergic to cliffhangers, then you will die. Thanks for reading!**

Artemis proceeded down the white path. Blue sparks danced along the edges, building railing as he goes further. He walks forward for what seems like ages until he (true to his character) trips over something.

"What did I just- oh god." Underneath him was Holly. The figure wasn't breathing.

"Holly? Holly?! Speak to me, Captain!" N01 looked on in interest.

"It's fake, Artemis. Save your breath."

"What do you mean!? Save her! She's almost dead!"

"It's a test."

"You don't know that!"

"Yes, I do. Watch." N01 viciously kicked Holly and shot her with a bolt of magic.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING! THAT'S MY CAPTAIN, DEMON!" N01 raised an eyebrow.

"You're becoming more... Kelp."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN." N01 shot back in quick succession.

"Well, for one, you called Holly 'your captain'. Second, you're virtually screaming. Also, you're 2 inches shorter."

"Sorry. You're right. It's probably a-" A bloody figure of Angeline Fowl stumbled out of the black on to the path. She was crooked, with a look of total fear on her face. She had cuts and bruises all over her.

"Mother!" Artemis ran towards Angeline, tears streaming down his face. Angeline collapsed. Artemis did too, and sat crying and sobbing like a 2 year old for almost 2 hours.

"Who did this to you!", cried Artemis.

"You." Then Angeline began sinking through the floor, screaming as she went. Artemis was wide-eyed with shock. He was rocking back and forth, tears streaming down his face.

"This can't be real... This can't be real... This..."

"It isn't, Artemis. You're the master of your own mind. Stand up." Artemis stood.

"Now let's walk. You can lean on me." Artemis took a shaky step forward, leaning on N01.

"Why is my head doing this to me?!" gasped Artemis.

"It's an intrusion prevention thing. Let me tell you what's going on, Arty," he spoke as they walked. "Even though it's been a couple weeks, the cloning process is still happening. When Kelp shot you with that magic, it may have saved your life, but part of his DNA was embedded in the magic. Your cells are replicating Kelp's DNA. So this is technically Kelp's brain, but still your mind. The DNA in your brain is fighting against possession- specifically you going into Kelp's brain. It's literally TRYING to become a vegetable."

"Oh. At least I don't have to share brain space with a guinea pig's mind. Wait. Vegetable?" Artemis stopped.

"So I will die if we can't remove the magic?" N01 grimaced.

"'Fraid so." At this time, blue sparks rose out of the ground and wrote on a white platform. They said:

"Test 2/12, 'The Trail of Despair', complete." That's not what shocked them. What shocked them was what lay ahead.

"Oh my.", Artemis managed to stutter.

"No kidding."


	5. The Third Test: The Teleportation Maze

**Dear everyone, sorry I didn't upload until this late. But to make up for it, I have an extra special chapter! It sees Artemis have to brave a challenge without N01! Also, sarcasm! It's has about 700 words! Thanks! :D**

The ground opened in front of Artemis' feet, revealing a loudspeaker. It said to him (in Artemis' voice):

"Hello, Intruder." The voice scared Artemis. Even though it was familiar, it was cold, hard, even... Evil.

"As you well know, this is my head." Artemis nodded.

"It is mine too!"

"False. This is my and only my head." Artemis sighed.

"At least tell me what this giant structure is!" Before Artemis stood a huge structure, blocking the entire platform. The loudspeaker spoke again in that hateful voice.

"It is the labyrinth I have concocted. A small surprise for those who wish the possess my body, and the third test. The rules are simple. You may teleport to complete the course. However, if you slip, you are permanently erased from my memory. Enjoy." Artemis blinked.

"At least tell me who you are!"  
"I am Artemis Fowl's subconscious. Good day." 'Artemis shuddered. He would never forget that icy, evil voice. But there was something else bothering him.

"N01, you can't come with me." N01 tilted his head, and made a sound comparable to "?".  
"When I complete the maze, I will use the remaining power to teleport you to me." N01 nodded a gentle nod and said:

"Be careful, Artemis. How am I supposed to get out of here alive without you?" Artemis grinned.

"I'll try my best to stay alive. Goodbye." Artemis teleported to the top of the structure. The loudspeaker said:

"Lethal defence mechanism activated. Good luck in there. The only one who can solve that maze is me." Artemis smirked.

"Good thing I know a particular Artemis Fowl very well."

"Get up on the platform above you. This is the first in a series of mini tests. You may only teleport where you can see, and you cannot teleport into midair." The loudspeaker sank back into the ground. Artemis thought for a moment. The distracting surroundings did not help. A mirrored floor. Artemis snorted. _This is a little too space age, even for me._ He thought. _It is. It must serve a purpose. Wait... _Artemis stomped. A spiderweb of cracks appeared. He wedged one of. He hurled the shard 20 feet into the air. Through the mirror, he saw a glimpse of the top of the platform he was supposed to teleport to. _Bingo._ He thought, and was there on top of the platform. Another loudspeaker rose out of the ground, like a steel skeleton of a growing tree on time lapse.

"Well done, intruder. Test 1 of 3 complete. Please teleport to the other side of the wall." Artemis did so. The loudspeaker chuckled.

"Now... Think fast." The floor started crumbling. Artemis teleport away from the disintegrating section of the floor.

"Is that all you got?"

"Famous last words." Explosives started beeping. Bear traps snapped at his legs. Weights clipped his shoulders. An honest-to-god _falling anvil _almost did him in. He arrived at the end of the room. He panted.

"Is... that..." he paused to take a deep breath. "All... You got?"

"No. One more test. Dexterity." A section of the floor sunk and filled with lava. Tiny poles, the size if twigs, rose out of the lava.

"You have got to be kidding." He rapidly teleported across all of the poles, breaking them one by one. He jumped, teleported, and barely managed to catch the edge with his finger-tips. The loudspeaker sunk into the ground. Artemis used his remaining power to seek out N01's mind, engulf it, and send it reeling back to him. N01 was soon by his side. He was in the middle of sipping tea.

"Oh. Hello, Artemis. Was it very difficult?" Artemis glanced back at the immense challenge that had almost killed him many times.

"No." Artemis smirked and they walked onwards, as the blue sparks wrote history as it happened.

"Test 3 out of 12 completed."


End file.
